Yesterday we heard of the loss of another wonderful soul, returned to her Heavenly Home apparently (no one know for sure) because she felt she had done something irredeemable in at least someone's sight. She took her own life because of pain she could not or chose not to express to anyone else. This makes me so tremendously sad. I can't imagine the feelings of her family or close friends if it is affecting you and I in the way it is.
What I want you to know? I want you to know that no matter what you do, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, it is not enough that you can't be forgiven by your family, your friends or your God. No matter how much it hurts, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS, there are many, many of us willing to see you through whatever your problem may be. It could not hurt anyone more than the hurt of losing you for temporary reasons. Do not ever seek a permanent fix for a temporary problem. You are strong, you can handle pain, you've got this with help from your brothers and sisters, literally and figuratively.
Grandma and Grandpa know something about pain. Many things in life hurt more than you ever imagined they could. We have lost a child, she is celestial and that gives me great comfort. We have 3 deaf kids and that cannot be changed but the benefits I have experienced in the long run have enriched my life beyond belief. It took 7 years of pain and searching to get Jen's pelvis fixed. Everyone rejected our efforts until we found the "one" person who designed a surgery just for her. God engineered so many things for all of these events.
How would I have cared for a totally bedridden child who needed help for literally everything along with all the care that two deaf children needed. God knew the answer to that and so the doctor who had my best interest at heart was provided. I did not have to "let her go". He did that for me. I had to fight in ways I never imagined to get what my children needed. I never understood the growth that would provide for me. I never knew I was capable of the work it required to get help for deaf kids. I never thought I would have to make dozens of calls to get a surgery done seven years after the fact but I did it for the bigger picture. I had no idea how any of my children would affect this world but they have all had a literally GIANT effect on the world they live in. Why? Because they choose to. It's as simple as that.
That is what it is all about, THE BIGGER PICTURE! Yes, there is a bigger picture than what you can see right this moment. Kenny posted about "relatable millenials" today. It was a good post but it holds inherit errors. First, the very name of it is inclusive to the dangers. Millenials are supposed to be the chosen generation. Don't be fooled by that term chosen. You are only chosen if you choose to act on your gifts. Is that a heavy burden? Yes it is! It implies that you "must" act. It is not a choice, it is a requirement. Millenials have already been labeled as "entitled and/or spoiled". Relatable means that you choose to relate to that around you, not just media but especially people. In the long run, money and stuff will never add up to much but people will.
It is a heavy burden but it is not without help. You are surrounded by loving family, most of whom would do anything for you but you may have to ask. They will talk with you. They will continue to love you. They will be there to support you but YOU must take a part in that. YOU must choose to seek out that help. You must not be so afraid of how things will look to someone else that you are afraid to avail yourself of that help.
On the opposite side, you must be that help. People always, always, always come first. You will never regret helping someone.
Some of you know that grandma had issues for many years with anxiety and depression. I hid all of it as best I could for a long, long time. Doctors then did not know what to do except giving you pills that made you oblivious. I quit Valium cold turkey after two years because I couldn't go around feeling like a Zombie any longer. It was two of the worst weeks in my life but it led me to finding other ways and I found a counselor that finally said the right thing that sparked something in me. I still take medication which is not a bad thing if it helps you BE the person you are supposed to be, the person you really are. God provided things like that for our good to be used to help people.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are surrounded by a family who has gone through everything from losing a child, to heart attacks and other serious health issues, to serious financial issues, to difficulty in finding work to betrayal by those near and dear, etc. etc. You have aunts and uncles, grandparents and parents who have spent every day of their lives fighting difficult battles of many sorts. They are strong people because they know something important. They know that they are sons and daughters of God and that is paramount in their lives. They choose good for the right reason which is simply because it is the right thing to do. They do not need applause and accolades for doing the right thing. They do not have to feel embarrassed because of their choices.
There is always a place you can go but you can't be afraid to go there. No one is perfect. Everyone in this family and all of our friends have done something stupid or possibly quite a few stupid things. That is why we are equipped to help you. None of us has the answer to stupidity but we are there to listen and help you through yours. I will never be disappointed in you. I may not like your choices and will probably tell you that but I will never be disappointed in the spirit that is you. I know you are doing your best to get through this life. Stay connected with the people who love you even if it costs you some screen time!!! A movie, tv show, video game, facebook, texting session etc. will NEVER GET YOU TO HEAVEN. Your family, friends and loved ones can quite possibly help you get there.
We do not expect you to be perfect but we do expect you to do your very best. This is not a lazy family and that is probably why you were sent here. We all have a learning curve but once you have learned enough to be up and running, that is what is expected. Perfection is a myth that paralyzes you. You never do anything because you can't do it perfectly. If you want to be the best, be specific. Be the best toilet cleaner you can possibly be but don't expect perfection in all things or you will never achieve anything. Have a plan, even if it is a simple one. Plan one day at a time if you must but have an achievable plan. I will be out of bed by (blank time) in the morning! That is a plan. Make one or make many but make them!!! Do not, I repeat, DO NOT plan on just floating through life or just existing. That will get you nothing but heartache.
I love you all. I know who you are (spiritually and physically). I know your strengths and your weaknesses and you know mine. Let us all make a choice to be there for each other so that if the time comes, Someone will be available to help someone else get through a life that is not easy. Help me look through the now to the big picture.
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